it is hard for you to understand

cameej @ 2007-07-25T23:06:00

2007-07-26T04:06:17Z

audious livejournal. you served your purpose.

cameej @ 2007-07-23T00:25:00

2007-07-23T05:49:30Z

the past two weeks
i have prayed more than i have in the past three years.
i believe in all religions and views.and hearts. and souls.
but i have been enlightened.
i have seen my fog rise.
i have been blessed in more ways then i could say.
i am thankfull and comfortable with never being comfortable.
i have set my goals
yet live daily.
am free
yet bound to a heart...
i am falling in a way i never thought possible again.
and it is better since my eyes are open this time around.

this time around....

Things have changed
over and over again.
In ways we all promissed would never happen.
but we are all thankfull.
it is making us new. us grand.
no more hate
no more words of anger or bitterness.
or acts to cause pain.
just love.
i want to help you fly.
i never wish evil upon your home.
i understand why all has been placed infront of me.

i can't express how happy and blessed i am for every part
you have all played in me.
everyone has changed me more and more than you could know.
i am not what you may think
i should stand up to be
but i am new
fresh
and in my place
and learning a new way to stand...
talk, eat, act, read, and sing.

i will not change the world.
but maybe help it along.

no more will i shake my fists or curse the heavens of
many hearts for what has been done
or undone to me

i want you to know and see me. for what i am.
not what you may want. need. or see.
what i am.

i stand now.
no more siting.
no more pride or prejudices.

i still love you.
with my whole heart and soul.
no matter who you may be.

you are all my friends.my family. and all my love.

cameej @ 2007-07-21T22:12:00

2007-07-22T03:16:46Z

today
i took my first wedding pictures
i woke up very earily.
met mark and jen
went to starbucks
went to mark twain
met the bride and bridesmaids
took pictures
went to a park
met the groom
took pictures
went back to hotel
went downtown
went to obrian feild
had a wedding service
ran alot
all while taking pictures
went back to mark twain
took more pictures
danced with a little girl
all while taking pictures
never ate.

then went home freshend up
went to pekin
got gifts
went to a reception
was in awe
went to a lake thing party
saw people i havn't seen in some time now
made plans
went to taco bell with ciara and jared
and then the county market
then a talk
then drive towards home
now my parents are not here for some reason?
but i am going to read some more and then sleep.

stay good.

cameej @ 2007-07-19T09:03:00

2007-07-19T14:04:16Z

7-18-07 will forever be named the best night I have ever had.

yippideedoo

2007-07-15T22:54:42Z

I am really tired.
I laied out with Ciara all day.
I am tan.
Last night was fun dancing at the river front
Thank you ben for the ride
I havn't hung out with those kids in so long!
twas good.

All i want to do is sleep, eat chocolate, AND have that one come home and call me.

THE END.

cameej @ 2007-07-13T06:41:00

2007-07-13T11:42:13Z

sometimes i get sad when i think of him.

but things are much better now.

cameej @ 2007-07-12T20:46:00

2007-07-13T01:47:00Z

i am happy.
i am going to some friends wedding sept. 1st
i took my dad to see harry potter.
amoung other things.....

cameej @ 2007-07-08T18:36:00

2007-07-08T23:36:36Z

i am taking a different major.

cameej @ 2007-07-08T10:52:00

2007-07-08T15:53:26Z

i am starting my new life. which is similar to the old just without aa many of my flaws. and not as selfish.

amazing

2007-07-04T20:51:38Z

i am done doing things that bog me down.
i want to live life as unexpectedly as i can.
i want to love it as well.
i meet so many people everyday and i want that to continue.
i want good hearts who listen and care close to me.
i want a man.
a man to hold and take care of me but knows full well i can myself. i want him to hear everyword that comes out of my mouth and heart and help me make sense of it. i want his helping hand. i want to dance with him and try new things. i want him to push me towards my future and never let me settle even when it is all i want, beacuse he would know i really dont want that at all. i want us to always travel and love others as well as ourselves. i want him to know i need my space and i always need to grow and do something new or i will not be happy.
i want a father who accepts me i know he has love for me but i want him to accept me.
i want to be able to afford school.
i want to get things set up for russia.
i want to get another job if not a new one completely.
i want to be happy with my choices and quit feeling guilty.
i want to be able to make desicions and not be afraid to regret them
i want my life to be everything it was meant to be.
even if it isnt what i really want.....

cameej @ 2007-07-01T11:27:00

2007-07-01T16:27:59Z

my poop is werid after this week.

updata

2007-07-01T03:13:00Z

I went to cornerstone
and it was different.
but good.
i like everyone.
i danced.
i met some.
i danced.
i saw mewithout you
and i was right there and it was AMAZING
ALL MY FRIENDS ARE GOOD I LOVE THEM ALL.
today i left right after slam dunk
it was so funny and a great note to leave on
then i hung with my mom but i was so tired beacuse of allergey meds brad gave me
then i came home and started laundry
and went to Camerons suprise bday party
roasted marshmellows
now here i am beging more laundry
and packing
i may may not see you at that show tomorrow.

cameej @ 2007-06-25T12:26:00

2007-06-25T17:27:02Z

i made banana pancakes for my friends and now i leave for cornerstone.

cameej @ 2007-06-15T16:48:00

2007-06-15T21:48:32Z

things are not working out at all.

cameej @ 2007-06-14T01:31:00

2007-06-14T06:33:51Z

i feel uncomfortable in my own house.
only those close know why.
i wondered an abandoned carnival with chris today.
and went out.
and took pictures.
and revealed my heart to ciara.
and swam in places i was not allowed to.
now i come home to sleep and cant.
i have way to much on my miond.
i work at 7 am
it will be long
i may get a second job.
i am sad about what is happening.
but i cant stop it.

cameej @ 2007-06-09T02:02:00

2007-06-09T07:04:55Z

As we speek, i cleaned and am cleaning his kitchen
helping him look for a new place.
cooking wings for him and gabe who is home safe.
getting ready to watch a movie in a clean home.
all is well.

i went to the turkey fest with
candice jessica and hedie
met with jar jar and c murder
took pics

i am getting tired typing this so i am going to go mop and
then watch a movie and probably fall fast asleep on the couch.

love

cameej @ 2007-06-03T13:08:00

2007-06-03T18:13:36Z

last night was one of the best days i have had in a while by far.
i woke up late, went to my family reunion, spoke and learned some russian tounge, then hung out with my mom for hours. told her all about my life and she did the same. then she gave me words of encouragement and i did the same. she is my best friend my one and only and i admire her for all she is and is not. then i got a RANDOM surprising phone call from a telephone booth in georgia. i was so happy. then found an old t-shirt i wore in the 9th grade....and wore it for the rest of the night. My mom gave me a bunch of jewlwery and hugs. she is the best. then i went to see darrell m and beffany l. we walked and swang in the park. then off to BRIAN LEE BIGGS birthday bash. i love everyone that was there itwas just a good time. we went on the golf coarse and met some fun jr. highers then played apples to apples thanks to lisie. and watched myth busters. it was good. 3 more days and ALL will be well.

love cameron.

cameej @ 2007-05-31T10:39:00

2007-05-31T15:39:59Z

i miss christopher brian wheeler way more than i thought i would.

yes...i haven't updated in forever!

2007-05-26T15:49:31Z

despite all the drama going around, you know everyone has something...i am happy.
i have seen peoples true colors as of late and i am sure they can say the same of me, but i am happy with who i put in my life. So much is changing, all the time. My step family is have SO MANY problems right now. All i wish is that i could talk to my neice courtney and help her. but i live 5 hours away from her. My moms surgery is coming up...june 19th pray for her she has a brain anurism and has to get it removed. she is pretty stressed, and i was too but i have so much faith in her she always overcomes. I am pretty sure my work doesnt want me to work there anymore so if you know of a good paying job, could you help me out? My brother is turning into one of my best friends. I love my girls from work and all that. I dont really sleep anymore. i go to work from 7a.m. untill 3 come home want to take a nap but my phone rings and i can never say no so i go hang out then chris ends up calling and then coming over untill way late and then i go to work looking and acting like a zombie. As much as i hate this i love it even more. today i am grocery shopping with my matchjia (mom) and cooking for chris. he leaves on monday for a long time. and that is all i have to say about that. i dont want people to be sad anymore. i want to be able to talk to people with out talking about other people. i want people to have something to say worth talking about.i want my plan to work out. ...

have a good day.

cameej @ 2007-05-09T12:59:00

2007-05-09T18:00:25Z

cameej @ 2007-05-03T14:43:00

2007-05-03T19:43:55Z

i run on my treadmill for hours
and i listen to 80's music
then i go streach for 20 min
now i will finish my paper
clean
go tan
go to class

...my life isnt bad just busy

i am not doing well

2007-04-30T02:11:07Z

my mom is really sick
i am busy
and stressed
and alone
sad
i wish i could say more but i cant
there is no love anymore

heaaayyyy

2007-04-20T02:52:01Z

1) i am almost done with my porfolio
2) i may be getting a new FUN job
3) i love you all
4)school is almost over and i might fail a class
5)lets hang out
6)no more worries
7)no more doctor visits
8) no more bad news from mom... i hope and pray
9) look in a mirrior
10) old pictures are awesome but sad
11)bye

what are we waiting for

2007-04-18T01:56:28Z

the klaxons were amazing
the band before them awesome
i danced so much

cameej @ 2007-04-16T09:32:00

2007-04-16T14:33:34Z

even though i am busy beyond belief i am still going to the klaxons. today one o clock i leave it will be what i need to UNWIND. yey